1,234 LOSERS at Arcane U

As you enter the small white cube at Arcane U the first thing to attract your attention will be a typical gallery pedestal with a stack of cheap, white copier paper heaped on top. This is conceptual art. If you do not understand conceptual art like we understand conceptual art, you might think it's the list of works for the exhibit. But no. Because it is conceptual art you will soon realize that each piece of white paper represents one of the works by a loser artist that submitted their art to Arcane U and were rejected. This stack of paper on a white pedestal says WE MOCK YOU for thinking you had a shot at being in our show!!!!!!!!!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suckers!!!!!!!!

The rest of the show also mocks you like all good conceptual work does. It wants you to believe that the bad drawings by MFA, teaching, Peeew winning, Cox member, insiders is meant to be bad, and it is bad. They want you to believe that words printed on a laser machine and framed is art. They want you to believe that a black circle by Peeeew winner Clinton Boreus is art. Har, har, the joke is on you!!!!!!!!!!!

Mundane is still cool here at Arcane over 100 years after the birth of cool, we mean conceptual art. The whole exhibition lapses into lame techniques and devices used for way too long to be interesting. But they still go on boring us. And that's the point. You're a complete loser if you don't "get" this exhibitiion which should be titled "Ode to Conceptual Art 101." Hee, hee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have a couple hours to waste driving out there from the city, and then add on the time trying to find a parking spot, go ahead, knock yourself out. We guarantee you will be bored to tears, as intended.

Look for the positive reviews coming up from ShityPaper, The Stinky Inky, Shilladelphia Weakly and yeOLDEartblog.

We here at The New Artblahg are much more interested in reading why you think this show is successful or just plain shitty. Leave your load in the comment section. Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watch Dog: City Hall

RUFF, ruff!!!!! Let's watch what happens here folks. Any predictions as to who the recipients will be? Maybe we should break out our Magical Fantastical Crystal Ball on this one.

We'll probably be there. Look for our red Fillies cap.

"A joint program between the City of Philadelphia's Office of Arts, Culture and the Creative Economy and the Commerce Department. Funding for this program is from the American Reinvestment and Recovery Act Community Development Block Grant (CDBG) program and will support creative nonprofit and for profit creative businesses for facility projects linked to job creation such as renovated office space, mixed-use facilities, artist workspace and creative industry incubators.

For further information, please see the attachment below. Interested parties should attend the public meeting: November 23 from 3pm to 5pm in the Mayor’s Reception Room, City Hall Room 202. Please direct questions by email to creative@phila.gov. We will respond after the 23rd.

The deadline for this grant opportunity is December 18, 2009.

Please help us spread the word and forward to your constituents."

Gary P. Steuer
Chief Cultural Officer
Office of Arts, Culture and the Creative Economy

This is real folks, honestly. Love ya!!!!

Comic Relief Intervention!! Har!!!

Sorry Kids

An Early Holiday Letter from

Harry, the serious one

Dear Kiddies,

It isn't easy being the one who has to tell you there's no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny, and that the poor beast you are going to eat on Thanksgiving Day was once a beautiful, if not smart, living thing. Sniff, sniff. But somebody has to do it because at some point it isn't healthy to live in Neverland, Michael.

Missus Dalloway writes on his/her blog, "...what is going on? philadelphia what are you doing? is this avant garde or becoming an embarrassment."

What is going on is that the New Academy has taken over 100% and now it's time that you sorry-ass artists wake up and see what's happening. They have been conducting a silent war against you and your work for too long and you need to be aware of what's going on.

Didn't they make you read a few history books in art school???!!!! Remember the Olde Academy in France?????? Remember that the artists that we now accept as great broke from them???!!!! Jeeeeez!!!

How the New Academy works.

Since there is no real commercial market for "art" in Fillytown, the only currency is teaching jobs. To get a teaching job you have to lock into the idea of buying an MFA. When you buy into that you are part of the Matrix. Doesn't anyone watch movies anymore, jeeeeez!!!!!!!!! To get your degree you have to take on huge debt from your friends, the bankers, you know, the ones who got the bailouts.

After you've paid for your advanced degree you have to get a gig. You'll need to have had to kiss ass in a big way while you were in school by imitating what your teachers thought was good, and maybe they'll give you a good letter. Even better, maybe they will give you an "introduction". You guys and gals know all of this but you'll swear up and down until your dying breath that you got that gig or show because you are a superior artists. Haaah!!!!

To give you the benefit of the doubt maybe you don't even realize you aren't special but are really just connected. Well we hate to be the ones who tell you but "their ain't no Santi Klaus."

Try and find a gallery that will take you without an introduction and the proper pedigree - woof, woof. Without a show how can you get a review? Try and see how far you get when applying for buddyships, residencies and the Peeeeeeeeeeew without the right papers.

So, what to do, huuuummmmmmmm????

You are pretty much screwed either way. But if you look closely you will see you have 2 choices. Go to the biggest name school your parents can afford, you poor kids are out of luck, so forgeddaboutit. Then pay for the very best school in the world for your advanced degree and then move to NYC, London or Berlin. If you can't go to the bestest schools then you must stay in the place where you were born and go to the best "local" schools and never leave town. And, also hope you can get an interview and maybe even an adjunct teaching position at a school.

I know you insiders are crying "cynical". You still think you are the best artists in the world. Riiiiiiiiight.

Hopefully you artists who are not part of the Matrix will see what is happening and find a way to deal. Here are a few suggestions.

1. You can start your own space

2. Work with other outsiders by organizing traveling shows, for instance.

3. Don't patronize these spaces

4. Don't visit their blogs

5. Take on a wider, world view

6. Look elsewhere for opportunities

7. Fight back. Write the media and tell them you deserve a review, how about an interview? Tell the Peeeeew and the others that their policies suck. Don't give money to orgs that engage in unfair practices, including juried shows and auctions.

8. And most importantly - Just do your work without any influence from them!!!

Where is the proof of this New Academy and how it works? Duh. Read this blog. Open your eyes, can you count? You are nice people and don't want to believe that you're being marginalized, you would rather believe that you SUCK!!!!

Footnote: Let's be clear. It isn't the schools alone that are the problem, it's the system. We here at The New Artblahg strongly believe in getting a good education, hopefully by people who are truly dedicated and not just out for a paycheck. We went to school ourselves and loved it!!!!!!!! But the system has gone haywire. Education should be the start, not the end. Not the thing that decides what is good art, what is bad, who will show, who will get a grant, blah, blah.

So an early Happy Holiday from Harry and Harrietta. Once the hangover has passed you will feel better for knowing the truth.

LLOOOOOOVVVEEE!!!!!!!!!!

View By Appointment Only

We love the DIY (do-it-yourself) spirit over everything else in the whole wide world, except for super institutions that is. We don't like making appointments for doctors, dentists or a beauty appointment, but when it comes to visiting galleries we think it is the BESTEST!!!!!!

One of our biggest, bestest supporters, Hollin Reefer, has a gallery? in Mountain Scary. He defends us like a drugged attack dog in our comments section, and now we have another story on his gallery (quid pro quo much?) and his amazing, genius work, art unlike anything else we have ever seen can be viewed on our flickr page!!!!! The gallery he runs, that butts up to the backyard bar-b-que, is open one night a month and then By Appointment Only (BAO). To some people galleries are already scary places and this BOA policy helps to keep them out, which we looovvvveee!!!!!!!!!! Yippe!!!!!!!!!

We like the idea of BAO because then we don't have to bump into people who aren't our frenz. It is also good because even though some places say they are open the reality is sometimes they are off having a cappuccino and biscotti somewhere. It's better to visit when no one is there too so we can bring our video wizard, Dave O. Shakkler, with us so we can then pontificate on and on and not have pesky humans around to interrupt us. Who needs to interact with others who might bring a different point of view to the work, they might even hate it, then what????!!!!!!!!!!

From the DIY'ers POV you have to realize that it's hard work to be open 4 or 5 days a week, 6 or more hours a day. Of course real galleries use that time to plan other shows, make phone calls to try and sell their artists work, promote the work of their artists, blah, blah, blah. What a waste of time!!! Let's just have a party and then the artists will have something to put on their resume, no one they send it to knows that the space was only open 16 hours total during the run of their show. And we and our writer frenz will give them lots of reviews to add to their artist bios. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Almost all of our favorite spaces are only open on F1rst Friday or 2econd Thursday and then BOA. A couple are there 4 - 8 hours a week on weekends. That includes Leopard Strikes Paydirt, F'ked Space, Mountain Scary, Anus/Dvd, Copy Cat Gallery, Wittle Berwin and others. We hate making lists, it's hard work, so you will have to check the interweb before you go out to visit our favorite galleries.

PLUG HOLE

Some folks have written in wondering where they can put their plug, you know announcements for shows, love letters, artwork... Since every plug needs a hole we are providing FREE space on a separate page at artblahgplughole.blogspot.com. You send in your message that is under 140 characters (the same as twitter) and an image and we'll post it. Of course you'll have to leave the real name of your gallery, address etc. and do so at your own risk. We are an EOPH (Equal Opportunity Plug Hole) Ahhhhahhhhhhaaah!!!!!!!!!!!

Send your Plugs to likesomebodycares@gmail.com

Meet the New Academy

We looooooooooove!! the debate that's going on over the Arcane U and the Peeeeew debacles because it shows us all the true colors of everyone involved.

Meet the establishment (pictured here), founders of yeOLDEartblog who have finally spoken up and are covering the asses of their frenz - the New Academy (big surprise). To see for yourself check out the last couple of comments by the blogging/teaching/reviewing/curating/artists? duo.

They are using the same tactics we listed in out post How Our Clan Works.

1. IGNORE - Ignore the facts and ignore your critics. What about letting artists who have been in the show before continue to enter work year after year for those precious few spots? What about proof that the juror saw ever piece, unwrapped, and gave each piece at least a minute for the $15 fee? What about letting 567 artists enter work when you only intend to pick 22? What about asking for a more clear entry form that states a theme before the judge sees the work? What about changing the rules so family, employees and other close associates can not enter?

2. Play stupid. They and their frenz know about all these issues but are playing stupid like they never heard about them or that the problems don't exist. And, they ask dumb questions like "why wouldn't the judge look at all 1256 pieces?"

3. Attack. Call your critics the "conspiracy crowd". This is sounding more and more like the far right Republicans every day. Tea Party anyone? No solutions either, sound familiar!!??

4. Get Our Frenz to Attack. All you have to do is read 50% of the comments. Some BTW are written by people that work for yeOLDEartblog, others are anonymous. It's always hard to make a good argument when you are on the wrong side of things so they call people names and make fun of them until they stop writing.

5. Overkill. Repeat your cry that everything is just fine in Fillytown until people believe it. This has been going on for a long time while things continue to get worse, it's time that the artists wake up.

6. Get Smart People to Attack. The judge wrote a cute statement, he is one of the smart people and has a job at a fancy institution. What he says is that after he saw some of the work he then decided on a theme and excluded everyone who didn't fit. This sounds good but you can be sure that he and the director knew beforehand what kind of work fits their aesthetic. The artists have to take some responsibility with this one, they should know better.

By not offering solutions to improve the situation in the future you yeOLDEartblog are part of the problem. But we still looooooooove you and hope you will seek the help you need to recover your sense of fair play, you know, the kind you learned in kindergarten. Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!